Once l was blind
I was blind to see what
was happening.
I couldn't feel it
My blindness was too bad
to even realise that
I was being abused.
I was too blind
to even feel that I was hurt
I couldn't feel the pain ...
That pain was nothing to me.
Loving was the most important thing
in that life of mine
I was blind to even smell that
I was in pain.
The pain I went through -
someone told me about it, but
I was too blind to listen to it.
Someone tried to show me, but
I was even too blind to see
what I was shown.
I was made blind.
Who made me blind?
Why have you made me blind?
Where are you?
What have I done to deserve this?
Who are you?
Whoever you are, you have
made my heart blind,
but I am not blind.
I will not go down,
but I will always be up.
-Ciza Sylvane
Yes, Ciza - here, you show the struggle to make sense of abuse. In this poem, I feel the vacillation between taking responsibility and blaming the other ... such a common phenomenon for abuse survivors.
ReplyDeleteThanks for taking on such a painful and necessary topic.
Ciza, the way you beautifully and simply articulated the disconnect in your lines, "The pain I went through-someone told me about it..." resonated with me. I have often had difficulty seeing what is happening in my own life when I am in the midst of living it. I have come to think that the "blindness" I developed as a child was a coping strategy but now that I am an adult in a safe space, that same blindness can reappear in the most inopportune situations. You ended a heart-heavy poem with two uplifting lines that left me feeling good. You strike me as a person who possesses both powerful insight and powerful sight.
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