you were there

yes
yes i admit
you were there for me
when no-one else was
when i was staring death in the face
when i saw his red eyes fill with tears of joy
at the sight of me crawling closer to him in pain...

i used my last breath to scream out for help
i used the last kilojoule i had to show my pain
then.....................................................................you appeared
you you you
of all people...................................................................you
heaven knows why
i am grateful, truely i am
we both thought it would turn into love
you think it did
and that is my fault
it feels bad to even think of telling you the truth
seems easier to keep on pretending
im confused now
i dont know what to call this
all i know is its not love at all

i dont know why im writing this
i thought it would help
i feel worse..............
im thinking too fast and typing too slow
i might have missed the right words
maybe not right, should i say correct/sincere/honest
i dont know
but i think
i let slip an important message
while i was looking for the correct spelling

yes
i owe you
i know that
but i cannot give you what you want
ive been trying to love you
im exhausted
i feel like im indebted for life

yes
yes i admit
i got myself into this